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Wednesday, December 22, 2004
I try my hardest to not think of him.
To not let my mind wonder back him and his smile. And I usually can do a very good job of it. But then I have those days when my I can't get him out of head and my heart aches for him. And then I wonder if he ever thinks of me too. It hurts ... so I remind myself that I was just a woman to love and the woman thathe loved. And know matter how I loved him he'll never love me the same. But I have to honest with myself... I would give anything (well almost anything ) to look into his eyes one last time. Mica at 8:13 AM | Comment
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
He never ceases to amaze me how he can feel so sorry for himself…he thinks that he is such a victim because he is sexually deprived. All he ever does is think of himself well what about me… isn’t he sexually deprived for a reason?
He complains that I don’t remember what song I heard on our first date or what I wore on my second. He acts like there weren’t other things that went on in our seven years of knowing each other; like other things never clouded evens. He talks about me living in the past but isn’t he doing the same thing. And all he worries about is his lack of sex well what about me? He thinks I’m stupid too my gut tells me that he really isn’t living without his sex. I mean really he never stays over my house when our daughter is home; he gives me a million stupid excuses like oh my car can’t sit outside or I can’t sleep in our house cause of the your cat…but it’s ok when she’s not around for him to sleep over. And that’s suppose to turn me on. He doesn’t even show up here at a decent hour and when he does show up here too drunk to be any company. Everything that pertains to our daughter always falls on my lap. If maybe just maybe he looked at me not just a like a sex thing but at a woman, sexy alive woman...he does nothing to make me fell sexy so why would I want him. Maybe if he looked at me I mean really looked at me he would see what I need; what I want. To make me feel like I am worth something instead of always having an attitude and right away going right to the name-calling. I am know longer baby or sweetheart now I am bitch or dumbie…so again why would I feel sexy or sexual around him??? My sexual hunger is driving me crazy and it's not just the sex I miss... I miss the intimate kisses that you give that someone special for no reason at all just because… afternoons spent having sex and just spending time locked in each other’s embrace. I find myself thinking about other men that I have been with that always made me feel sexy…I miss that. My mind wonders back but having another man in my life would do me no good at all it would complicate things. But I do miss a man in my life just for the intimate moments. Mica at 11:08 AM | Comment
Friday, December 03, 2004
He wonders why he doesn’t get any sex from me…maybe it because he forgets about me so easily.
He act like he is such a victim because of his lack of getting what he think he deserves…but how can he expect to get that kind of attention; that kind of affection. What makes him think that he is entitled to that kind of intimacy? IT MAKES ME CRAZY…how he thinks how he believes he’s never done any wrong…like he’s never disappointed me. Mica at 10:40 PM | Comment
Thursday, December 02, 2004
I feel lost sometimes…well more than sometimes. I wake up everyday and my soul screams to WRITE TODAY MICA!!! But by the time I get to work my mind is like scrambled eggs. I have so many stories that are starts and to me I love my characters and I think of so many stories and I love them all but with all the stresses that I go through it so hard to keep them straight. And as confused and stressed I get I will still wake up everyday and my soul screams WRITE TODAY MICA!!!
It’s that screaming desire inside that tells me everyday that God created a writer…but the thing I must I say that drives me crazy about is that because of the clutter in my mind the flame from my sexual side has dimmed. I’m bored!!! Mica at 10:58 PM | Comment
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